Category: Poetry

I

then suddenly i was falling
plummeting down into enormous depths
of nothingness
the fall seemed endless
becoming merely a void
no sound
no feeling
no light
no pain
no sensation at all
no time
for time too was left behind on the surface

II

waking I regret
dreams are nothing they cannot 
hurt me anymore 
but the daytime with its old 
and new terrors dumps
me in continual hell
until no longer
can I bear the suffering
in dreams is safety
the pain is held at bay by the 
distance given by dreaming

III

fortune and fame come to greet me
i am lost and alone
in a wilderness of lies
but time and space 
are not only to be blamed
but also the everchanging
fear that comes with the dark
or with the unknown things
that haunt us forever
hounding us until at last
they go
drowned in a sea of darkness
of blood and fire

IV

Dreams twist into nightmares
Nightmares force upon the light of day
The day turns into nightmare experience
Silken threads of dreams
Become heavy ropes that bind

V

And so I wait 
and dream and hope
wait even when 
there seems no hope 
in waiting

VI

I
dreamt of
a crystal
a red crystal
shattering apart
into a thousand flakes
sharp needle pointed slivers
scattered over the ground
slicing everything
then melts away
leaving thick
blood red
sap

VII

And so it goes on
From day to day
Sleep to waking
Confusion
Uncertainty
Pain
Cold
Dull
Grey and lifeless

VIII

I 
discover
the perfect partner
magnificent in all ways
quintessential, consummate, ideal

and
then
I
wake
up

IX

Although I have developed 
an immunity
to the pain from dreams
so that they cannot hurt me 
anymore there is no real 
satisfaction in 
dreaming it is in 
some ways worse when the dreams are 
good as eventually 
I have to return 
to reality
returning to realise 
these things I have dreamt are not 
likely to happen to me 
ever

X

Reality 
pain, fear, boredom
these things are real for me
not success or pleasure

Everytime I 
return from dreams 
into reality
the injuries are worse

XI

And so 
I dream
And wake
To face reality 
For another day
Trying to find ways 
To help me
If not enjoy life
Then at least 
Endure it
And to make the attempt
To lessen the pain 
And heartbreak
That life is 
For me at least

XII

For 
I am
I become
another person
another persona
in a new situation

I
create
something grand
out of nothing
hallucination

Find
new strength
coming from
a delusion

See
my thoughts
unravel

Dreams
become

Lies

I am a child
I was once happy
I don’t understand
I loved my Daddy
I do not want this
I scream silently

I start again

I am a girl
I use any drugs
I search for more sex
I buy the first one
I find the second
I scream, agonised

I start again

I am a wife
I try to accept
I attempt to please
I am not in love
I avoid his touch
I scream futilely

I look for a means
I want an end

Innocence of childhood
Waiting . . . waiting with fear
Of what will happen
Dreading those terrible words
Daddy’s home
And what comes after

             I start again  

Dingy bars, street corners
All of the men alike
Each experience
Echoes those terrible words
Daddy’s home
And what came after

             I start again  

Wedding vows, pure white dress
Could it be different
Again what happens
Mirror those terrible words
Daddy’s home
It still comes after

             I start again

loneliness
though painful
can be borne
it is something
that is constant

rejection
is harder
different
resultant pain
something to fear

loneliness
easier 
to cope with
than the risk of
the rejection

I

A collection of words
Representing
Ideas and Images

Sometimes reflecting me
More often not
Inspired by others

Misinterpretation
Adding meanings
That are not really there

Placing expectations
That a poem
Reflects the poet’s life

II

Fragments
coming from
who knows where
going into
my mind and then
off again
to someplace else

Fragments
of a conversation
skipping around
in my mind
an unfinished dance
ballet of words
meaning what

Fragments
of music
too scattered
broken up
to recognise
as a coherent
complete entity

Fragments
thoughts
of love, hate
whirlpool
of images
faces
I don’t know

III

distorted picture
seeming two-dimensional
a cardboard cut-out
the perfection of the day
making an unreal image

IV

My
Poems
Reflecting
Influences
From what impinges
Upon all my senses
What I hear taste touch see smell
Not always from experience
Or reflecting my beliefs
My opinions my life
Dispassionately
Objectively
Portraying
Unknown
Lives

V

Per    in        in       im      I       mis    sen   pic     dis    por    sli     the    of    al
ver   ven     com   age  cons   rep     ta    tures   tor   tray   vers  stra    ac     i
ted  tions  plete    ry     of       re     tion    of     tion   ing    of     tum    tu    ty

Perverted inventions
Incomplete imagery
Icons of misrepresentation

Pictures of distortion
Portraying slivers of 
The stratum of actuality 

VI

VII

lights
flickering
in the darkness
my mind

from
thought
to thought altering
constantly

images
flash
through and are gone
vanished

lost
somewhere
for ever
unless my mind

can retrieve them
call them back
my fears 
hopes

reality
all
occur
within the 

flickering thoughts
then one by 
one the 
lights

go out

Black
Boxes

Empty
Boxes

Filled
Boxes

Dark
Boxes

Large
Boxes

Small
Boxes

Stacked
Boxes

Piled
Boxes

Useful
Boxes

Useless
Boxes

Harmful
Boxes

Dangerous
Boxes

Chaotic
Boxes

Peaceful
Boxes

Relaxing
Boxes

Unusual
Boxes

Unexpected
Boxes

Surprising
Boxes

White
Boxes