I
then suddenly i was falling
plummeting down into enormous depths
of nothingness
the fall seemed endless
becoming merely a void
no sound
no feeling
no light
no pain
no sensation at all
no time
for time too was left behind on the surface
II
waking I regret
dreams are nothing they cannot
hurt me anymore
but the daytime with its old
and new terrors dumps
me in continual hell
until no longer
can I bear the suffering
in dreams is safety
the pain is held at bay by the
distance given by dreaming
III
fortune and fame come to greet me
i am lost and alone
in a wilderness of lies
but time and space
are not only to be blamed
but also the everchanging
fear that comes with the dark
or with the unknown things
that haunt us forever
hounding us until at last
they go
drowned in a sea of darkness
of blood and fire
IV
Dreams twist into nightmares
Nightmares force upon the light of day
The day turns into nightmare experience
Silken threads of dreams
Become heavy ropes that bind
V
And so I wait
and dream and hope
wait even when
there seems no hope
in waiting
VI
I
dreamt of
a crystal
a red crystal
shattering apart
into a thousand flakes
sharp needle pointed slivers
scattered over the ground
slicing everything
then melts away
leaving thick
blood red
sap
VII
And so it goes on
From day to day
Sleep to waking
Confusion
Uncertainty
Pain
Cold
Dull
Grey and lifeless
VIII
I
discover
the perfect partner
magnificent in all ways
quintessential, consummate, ideal
and
then
I
wake
up
IX
Although I have developed
an immunity
to the pain from dreams
so that they cannot hurt me
anymore there is no real
satisfaction in
dreaming it is in
some ways worse when the dreams are
good as eventually
I have to return
to reality
returning to realise
these things I have dreamt are not
likely to happen to me
ever
X
Reality
pain, fear, boredom
these things are real for me
not success or pleasure
Everytime I
return from dreams
into reality
the injuries are worse
XI
And so
I dream
And wake
To face reality
For another day
Trying to find ways
To help me
If not enjoy life
Then at least
Endure it
And to make the attempt
To lessen the pain
And heartbreak
That life is
For me at least
XII
For
I am
I become
another person
another persona
in a new situation
I
create
something grand
out of nothing
hallucination
Find
new strength
coming from
a delusion
See
my thoughts
unravel
Dreams
become
Lies